You Probably Don’t Want to Know This

But today (or maybe last night) is the day that our lives changed forever. We didn’t know it yet, and you won’t believe me when I say I just “felt different,” but in a few weeks (last January) we would find out that we were expecting. Some people say they know exactly the day they conceived. Some people have no idea and flip through days, weeks, or sometimes months of memory trying to figure out when their last period was, the last time they had sex, whatever. But I know. Like I said, you may not want to know this. That’s okay. I want to story this memory here, just in case I somehow forget through the years of play dates, diapers, feedings, children, recitals, field trips and holidays. I want to remember everything. I want to remember the good and the bad. I want to remember what you may not want to know. And I want to share it with you… just in case you decide you do.

I remember asking my Mom if she remembered when she became pregnant with me. She actually did and it blew my mind. She remembers the day of the week and where she was. I remembering telling a friend that once. I can’t remember who the friend was, but they found it “groooooss.” I thought it was fascinating. How special was I that my mother remembered EXACTLY when she had me!? Is that not fascinating? I think it is. She couldn’t quite pinpoint the date for my brothers, but I figure that’s what happens.

There are just some things that will always be different with your first. It may seem unfair, and if my 2nd, 3rd, or however many kids I have… if any of them are reading this, please know that you’re just as special as your older brother. I already love you and I haven’t even had you yet. I loved him the same way and it fills my heart with joy to know that I’ll get to meet you one day. I may not remember the exactly date of your conception, and you may not be “weird” like I was as a child and care to ask me. And that’s okay. Just know that you’re already loved. … But if you’re online and I’ve told you to get off the computer and do something, it doesn’t matter that you’re reading my old blog. Get off the computer, now!

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