“We” being the many people who keep asking us, in many different ways, if we’ll get married before the baby gets here.
“So, uh, are y’all still getting married?”
“Wait, so what now? Are you still getting married?”
“So, was this an accident? Are you gonna get married?”
“Why don’t you just go to the court house?”
“You pushed the wedding back? Why not just go to the court house?”
“But what will people think? Y’all should just get married.”
Oh, the joys of living in The South. Where everyone has premarital sex and drinks all week long, but likes to pretend they’ve never done either when Sunday rolls around. Luckily, we only know a tiny handful of people like this. We also have only had a tiny handful of people “disown” us for our “choices.” Eh, it happens. Their silent protest did nothing but give us more time to hang out with those who truly care about us.
So, to answer the many versions of the same question: Yes, we will get married. When we originally intended it. In my previous post I mentioned that we made the decision to push our wedding back to 2014. We made that decision BEFORE we even got pregnant. Before we even decided to go ahead and try for a kid. Why would we go back on our decision and suddenly decide to get married? That’s stupid. Jhavonn has tried to explain this to some people and they just don’t get it. Here is my reasoning: Why the hell would I want to make a wedding an obligation? I want a wedding to be a fun celebration! Full of laughter, dancing, drinks, food, good company, and celebrating! Why would I want to make it an obligatory event? We aren’t fooling God. God knows we conceived a few months ago. He’s not an idiot. This is essentially what folks want us to do. They want us to try and pull the wool over God’s eyes. “Just kidding, God! We’re married now, so let’s pretend I’m going to have a full grown baby in 4 months!” Fools. I don’t feel we’ve sinned. Jhavonn doesn’t feel we’ve sinned. We have something amazing going on. We created a little human and now he/she is growing inside me! How is that a sin (a rhetorical question, for those who weren’t sure)? How is our “conceiving a child out of wedlock” any different than your screwing around half wasted with people you barely know? Or even those you know well? You’ve been seeing so-and-so for 6 months and think it’s okay to have sex? Aw, good for you. I guess I sinned more than you! Idiots.
I read something a few weeks ago that put it in perspective for me. Marriage, in and of itself, isn’t a religious practice. The joining of two people is the covenant. The “marriage” is a legal contract. If it was a religious act, then you would need a preacher/minister/etc. to make it official. Instead, you can have a Justice of the Peace make it official or even someone who got their “license” on the internet. I mean, c’mon.
So, to recap… Yes, we will get married. In 2014. Mark your calendars. I’m partial to the Fall, but we’ll see if Jhavonn has a better idea. We won’t be getting married before the baby is born, nor will we get married right after. This is the most important part of our lives coming up. A child. We already have a great relationship. We have nothing else to prove in our relationship. Some people need a piece of paper to confirm their relationship. We don’t. And ALL of that is okay.
Disclaimer: I in no way mean to speak ill of marriage or our friends who have chosen or will choose to get married before having children. I also do not mean that all of those friends need a piece of paper to confirm their relationship. Please don’t feel offended. I’m speaking in generalities, not in personal situations when referring to others in that area.